But it might as well be, for how every time he wants to send one to catch up, it's on his mind. Isn't that why he wants to reach out? To know how she's feeling, even if he wants the subject nowhere to himself, and-- it's ridiculous. It's stupid. He shouldn't say anything at all, not over text.
Except: he wants to speak. And doing it this way, it's easier right now. So in one of his restless nights, Robby goes ahead with it -- before his dreams can make him think about her anyway, and everything else connecting them now. ]
hey its robby. are you recovered now. im ok some people are getting hit bad with the blood stuff this month. how about you
[ Ugh, he hates it. Unfortunately, his attempts to rewrite anything better end him up on similar ground. He wonders if he should wait until morning, when it'd be easier to send a simple 'hi' and sound like a normal person, when people aren't very likely trying to sleep.
But patience isn't for warmbloods this month, so despite how inadequate the message reads -- he sends it off. ]
[ androids sleep. they need just as much rest to recharge healthily as humans do. the complex system of synthetic hormones works the same way, to one's surprise. to anyone's surprise! to hear pod pings at an hour such as this one has 2B sitting upright near immediately. just because she had to sleep didn't mean that she was sleeping. too many things were on her mind to be able to go into standby. she's been using daniels meditation techniques to stay her calmest when she was already so, so irritable. ]
Hello, Robby.
[ she feels something cold and plunging in her heart. her heart. she could never get over the fact that she had one now, much less a mechanical pump. she straightens her lips, even when she's alone, and continues typing. ]
I've been [ ugh. even over the omni, it's hard to talk about her feelings with openness. it's hard for her to even pinpoint one when such was in a messy whirl. her omen, a pearl white orchid mantis perches upon her lap and extends on of its hooked tarsus. the touch against the fabric she wears is featherlight, but it comforts her. encourages her, even. ] thoughtful. But my repairs were a success.
[ the insect's antennae twitch. the mandibles shift. ]
Are you thoughtful as well?
[ thoughtful seems to be the general codeword for an umbrella of emotions we're uncomfortable talking about— but the unnamed mantis accepts it, for now. ]
He's slow to start, fingers tapping at the side of the omni to consider the question more than he'd like. Are you thoughtful -- a weird way to ask, but yes, and yet: what does he say? Maybe a yes would be good enough for someone like 2B, when it's inadequate to him.
But then, a lot is inadequate. That's the problem. ]
i think a lot. doesnt really help what do you think about
[ It would be nice, to avoid himself. Focus on her. That's always been easier in his life. ]
we have those stories too. some ppl say there is no afterlife and thats it once you die. or you die and you come back again but you dont remember your old life
Of course. How could something inorganic gain a soul? It's pointless questioning that doesn't have an answer. But I still think about it. In the same way machines could gain consciousness, perhaps we're not so different, after all.
a lot of people back home say things are this way or that way things happen for a reason if u do this thing or that u will go to a good place after life you dont repent for ur sins then ur gonna get punished for it, burn in hell
truth is we dont know shit. no one can say who has a soul. but it matters to some people you could have a soul and i dont i never thought about it but i never had books telling me that souls are just for humans and animals
[ well since humans went extinct partially because they discovered souls, yesβ but that would lead to conflict of interest for YoRHa. 2B does not know. ]
It was just a concept that survived. Youβre all resilient.
I saw a dark side to humanity, but I can still see its beauty within you.
[ robots. 2B can't help a quiet snort on her end that no one needs to see, silently endeared. robots were archiac beyond belief, she was on a completely different level. but what does he know?
He'd rather like to talk out of his ass about philosophy or whatever, actually. A lot more. That would be nice.
He could just tell her nothing; say his mind has been cleared up by this chat, which isn't completely untrue. But it'd be shitty after she's been (apparently) honest, though finding the words for his thoughts are difficult, too. A mess of emotions that don't have a linear path.
What has he been thinking of? ]
about what happened. how i couldnt have stopped it. i was thinking about you. how youve been feeling
[ she does not know what to say, or even think, and as she catches sight of the written words it causes her thought process to freeze. 2B had no qualms speaking about, well— anything that didn't have to do with interpersonal emotion. what else would she think or speak of if not for that? well— everything that robby says.
it makes her feel uncomfortable, but not because it was unwelcomed— but because she did not know what to do with it, how to react. because of this, it takes a few moments for her to form anything coherent, ]
You shouldn't use your time for that, Robby. [ even if it's not exactly soft. agh, damn it. that might've been too insensitive. she attempts a mild correction with: ] I need you to be well. That way we could both advance from this.
i know. [ But does his brain know that? Is whatever the hell going on with him understand that? No, no, and no. ] we dont have to talk about it. i just wanted to talk to you. you went thru it too and i know you werent happy when we left
[ she didn't. sometimes she desperately wanted to, and at other times she was so angry that it kept her from trying. thinking about woe brought mixed feelings. gratitude, confusion, frustration, softness and sharpness all at once. and then there was robby— she remembers, in perfect detail, every face he made that day, and when she'd put her head on a pillow, he's among the images that wouldn't stop playing before her. ]
I failed you when you needed me. No amount of apology will change that.
[ she seems to have failed . . . so many people. she was gone when anna was there, asking for help. she couldn't react when robby did. ]
[ It comes as soon as her own message is sent, separate, as well as what follows: ]
you didnt fail me
you didnt fail ANY of us
if u didnt come i would be dead to. i told alec we needed to get out. u tried 2b nd ill never forget that
[ That she came, that she was there, the metallic skeleton of her body under her skin exposed; watching that creature sucking her in, trying to break her apart.
It hurts to recall. The memories tear at his own heart, making his fingers tremble, his sight blur. ]
I've died many times, Robby. Back home, when my body is destroyed, my code is uploaded into a new chassis. Termination is an occupational risk.
[ he risked himself, he risked everything that is precious, he risked his life, a life that couldn't simply be replaced— for her to remain. it scrapes at her heart until her eyes sting. ]
I don't want to say goodbye again. And I swear— I will never give up after what you did.
[ so what if u come back, he texts, fumbling to complete: i dont want to see you die. it doesnt mean shit, it doesnt make a difference.
'You would still have been dead.'
Robby stops, deletes until he's back to the beginning, and tries to find a less emotional explanation that doesn't make him sound angry. Even if he's angry at the idea -- that it should mean less, that he needs to understand and accept a potentially immortal existence. What if you didn't get uploaded?
I saw you watch that man die. Dying doesn't mean nothing to you. ]
your life doesnt mean less to me just bc you can come back
[ It would be strange, if Robby ever thought about it: how strongly he feels about 2B, how much he cares. Someone he's only met twice, but that second time -- there's nothing to question in that. That experience shared, the emotions between them; and maybe there is something to unpack in how single-minded he cared more about her than himself when they left that place, nothing about it sits in him strangely without reflection.
True, he would be more agreeable to a hospital now. But he would still help her get back if there were a way, despite the dangers. He gave his word. ]
ill do better and get stronger. i want to save people too if you ever need warmblood i have it. i dont know what people do with it but the beast stuff but ill find out
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
un: kickflips / early october
how u been since we watched a man die
[ That's not the message Robby sends.
But it might as well be, for how every time he wants to send one to catch up, it's on his mind. Isn't that why he wants to reach out? To know how she's feeling, even if he wants the subject nowhere to himself, and-- it's ridiculous. It's stupid. He shouldn't say anything at all, not over text.
Except: he wants to speak. And doing it this way, it's easier right now. So in one of his restless nights, Robby goes ahead with it -- before his dreams can make him think about her anyway, and everything else connecting them now. ]
hey its robby. are you recovered now. im ok
some people are getting hit bad with the blood stuff this month. how about you
[ Ugh, he hates it. Unfortunately, his attempts to rewrite anything better end him up on similar ground. He wonders if he should wait until morning, when it'd be easier to send a simple 'hi' and sound like a normal person, when people aren't very likely trying to sleep.
But patience isn't for warmbloods this month, so despite how inadequate the message reads -- he sends it off. ]
no subject
Hello, Robby.
[ she feels something cold and plunging in her heart. her heart. she could never get over the fact that she had one now, much less a mechanical pump. she straightens her lips, even when she's alone, and continues typing. ]
I've been [ ugh. even over the omni, it's hard to talk about her feelings with openness. it's hard for her to even pinpoint one when such was in a messy whirl. her omen, a pearl white orchid mantis perches upon her lap and extends on of its hooked tarsus. the touch against the fabric she wears is featherlight, but it comforts her. encourages her, even. ] thoughtful. But my repairs were a success.
[ the insect's antennae twitch. the mandibles shift. ]
Are you thoughtful as well?
[ thoughtful seems to be the general codeword for an umbrella of emotions we're uncomfortable talking about— but the unnamed mantis accepts it, for now. ]
no subject
He's slow to start, fingers tapping at the side of the omni to consider the question more than he'd like. Are you thoughtful -- a weird way to ask, but yes, and yet: what does he say? Maybe a yes would be good enough for someone like 2B, when it's inadequate to him.
But then, a lot is inadequate. That's the problem. ]
i think a lot. doesnt really help
what do you think about
[ It would be nice, to avoid himself. Focus on her. That's always been easier in his life. ]
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Existence, as of late.
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It still takes Robby a moment to know how to type. Both of them slow to know how to connect. ]
your own?
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I always wondered if I had a soul.
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I remember telling my partner that we'd find out when we die. And even after that, it was ambiguous.
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do you think you and your partner had a soul?
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I know I do, now. If I do, then so does he.
I didn't think I'd have one.
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It's pointless questioning that doesn't have an answer.
But I still think about it. In the same way machines could gain consciousness, perhaps we're not so different, after all.
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things happen for a reason
if u do this thing or that u will go to a good place after life
you dont repent for ur sins then ur gonna get punished for it, burn in hell
truth is we dont know shit. no one can say who has a soul. but it matters to some people
you could have a soul and i dont
i never thought about it
but i never had books telling me that souls are just for humans and animals
idk if ur humans ever proved souls were real
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It was just a concept that survived. Youβre all resilient.
I saw a dark side to humanity, but I can still see its beauty within you.
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i dont know a lot of stories about robots. but youre cool
im sure ur partner was cool too. and your other friends
they could be assholes too but thats part of being alive
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she'll let it slide. ]
That's important.
What is it that you think of?
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He'd rather like to talk out of his ass about philosophy or whatever, actually. A lot more. That would be nice.
He could just tell her nothing; say his mind has been cleared up by this chat, which isn't completely untrue. But it'd be shitty after she's been (apparently) honest, though finding the words for his thoughts are difficult, too. A mess of emotions that don't have a linear path.
What has he been thinking of? ]
about what happened. how i couldnt have stopped it.
i was thinking about you. how youve been feeling
no subject
it makes her feel uncomfortable, but not because it was unwelcomed— but because she did not know what to do with it, how to react. because of this, it takes a few moments for her to form anything coherent, ]
You shouldn't use your time for that, Robby. [ even if it's not exactly soft. agh, damn it. that might've been too insensitive. she attempts a mild correction with: ] I need you to be well. That way we could both advance from this.
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did you see those people again?
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[ she didn't. sometimes she desperately wanted to, and at other times she was so angry that it kept her from trying. thinking about woe brought mixed feelings. gratitude, confusion, frustration, softness and sharpness all at once. and then there was robby— she remembers, in perfect detail, every face he made that day, and when she'd put her head on a pillow, he's among the images that wouldn't stop playing before her. ]
I failed you when you needed me. No amount of apology will change that.
[ she seems to have failed . . . so many people. she was gone when anna was there, asking for help. she couldn't react when robby did. ]
no subject
[ It comes as soon as her own message is sent, separate, as well as what follows: ]
you didnt fail me
you didnt fail ANY of us
if u didnt come i would be dead to. i told alec we needed to get out. u tried 2b nd ill never forget that
[ That she came, that she was there, the metallic skeleton of her body under her skin exposed; watching that creature sucking her in, trying to break her apart.
It hurts to recall. The memories tear at his own heart, making his fingers tremble, his sight blur. ]
you nearly died. why are you apologizign
you said goodbye
[ She did everything right.
She did everything he couldn't do. ]
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I've died many times, Robby. Back home, when my body is destroyed, my code is uploaded into a new chassis. Termination is an occupational risk.
[ he risked himself, he risked everything that is precious, he risked his life, a life that couldn't simply be replaced— for her to remain. it scrapes at her heart until her eyes sting. ]
I don't want to say goodbye again. And I swear— I will never give up after what you did.
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'You would still have been dead.'
Robby stops, deletes until he's back to the beginning, and tries to find a less emotional explanation that doesn't make him sound angry. Even if he's angry at the idea -- that it should mean less, that he needs to understand and accept a potentially immortal existence. What if you didn't get uploaded?
I saw you watch that man die. Dying doesn't mean nothing to you. ]
your life doesnt mean less to me just bc you can come back
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I know, now.
Thatβs why I want to live.
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True, he would be more agreeable to a hospital now. But he would still help her get back if there were a way, despite the dangers. He gave his word. ]
ill do better and get stronger. i want to save people too
if you ever need warmblood i have it. i dont know what people do with it but the beast stuff but ill find out
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that is... le wrap :)